Last Minute Gift Ideas For Me

Here they are folks, run out of ideas? Ive got the answers...

1. Spray-on Tan: That's right I watch Jersey Shore, and ever since the shows name generator deemed me "The Bicep", I feel its time to Italian-ize my pythons. One would think I'd get my yearly dose of the boot country at Roseto's Big Time each year, but this Christmas I want to take it one step further and see the guns a glisten.

2. The Chia Obama - For those of you who don't know, I collect obscure trinkets of one-term Presidents and this would proudly grace my chochkey shelf alongside my H.W. Bush Sweatband and matching cuffs, and the Jimmy Carter Trapper Keeper. Who wouldn't want our ratings-deprived CIC growing green dreads and smelling carbon-free?



3. Antler Chandelier - This is like the epitome of redneck class. We beer-swilling, caribou hunting, 4x4 driving folks can be classy hosts from time to time, and this is like the paramount of being a dignified hick. Sure, some have chandeliers of gold and bronze, but antlers throw a touch of rustic swank.



4. Bean-bag Chair - Im broke as a joke living the low-wage, post college grad life and no piece of furniture would make my humble abode feel as comfy as the symbol of college bachelorhood. It says, "yeah Ive got furniture", but it also doubles as a huge damn pillow... or a dog bed.

5. Darth Maul Cup - OK, ever since Star Wars Episode 1 came out I had got all the freaking cups that Pizza Hut and Taco Bell put out, one such beverage holder has alluded my path. I got multiple Yodas, and several Jar-Jar Binks, as well as a damn Boss Nass. Boss Nass can go to hell! My brother was able to get a Maul, but not I. Nevermind if the movie stunk, its the cup that honors what could have been the most badass villain in the franchise. To think I could be drinking out of one this summer would put a smile on my nerd face.

On Afghanistan: Part 2

Its been my speculation for several months now that the President was looking to find a plan that appeased as many people as possible. After all, with a low approval rating and even some in his party starting to question heavily the direction his leadership has brought us has awakened a whole new host of critics. Despite that, a plan for the war in Afghanistan has been talked about for a while, and even the hand picking of a General that the President wanted. But after the Pres. went to West Point to tout a plan to add 30,000 troops to the impoverished region, we find ourselves with a very shortsighted path to victory. I applaud Mr. Obama in the surge, and to be honest in proportions to troop levels with comparing it to Iraq, this surge far exceeds Mr. Bush's late success. In all do honesty though what still trips me up is deadlines. By setting a timetable you allow your enemy to see an end. This happened with Vietnam and Harry Reid tried to do this with Iraq. Sunset provisions do not work. Nor does combat limitation talks, which basically state that we limit ourselves to the weapons we use. The genius of Reagan is bluffing with strength. Theres a term we use in the Army called Mildec, which refers to military deception. Its essentially a macro-level approach to psychological warfare. Frighten not just your enemy, but more importantly your enemies leadership. Im a full believer that the only way to peace is through victory. With Afganistan weve drug our feet, and both administrations are guilty of it. However having some of America's most brilliant and experienced Generals, not to mention a man who could go down in history as our greatest Secretary of Defense helps. But with winter here and the closing of the regional mountainsides and northern provinces in Tora Bora and the Hindu Kush ranges, the violence will be completely centralized to the south, completely. Thus forcing nearly all combat operations on American forces. And with a possible olive branch to Taliban leaders many within our military ranks find themselves abandoned and without decisive support. Not too mention internal gutting hosted by the DoJ and civilian trials for self-avowed terrorists. Moral is low. In fact it is in the garbage can.

Any plan I could offer would cost extreme political capitol on behalf of the Administration and would simply never be done. Those of you familiar with my ideals and beliefs know that while I supported Iraq and Afghanistan, Im a strict constitutionalist and am fastidious toward the War Powers Act of 1973. However, these operations are essential to national security and I find it frustrating that both parties are not willing to own up to the incorrigible constitutional loop-hole. That being said, national defense is a tough game to lay in regards to semantics and for those diehards out there, I welcome any and all comments for a casuist exchange that would bring clarity, yet I feel somehow were beyond the point of playing a gentlemens war, which is the sad thought of many leaders today.

EnvironMENTALLY Retarded

"This is our time. Global warming is our challenge. Economic recovery is our challenge. American leadership is our challenge. Let's step up right now. Let's not quit until we have fulfilled our responsibility to our children and our grandchildren. Thank you very much. What a great day, this is like giving birth again.”– Senator Barbara Boxer 9/30/2009

I grew up thinking people who saved whales were out there. Then I came to the conclusion that they just had too much time on their hands. Now I'm realizing that my thoughts about them are still evolving... I now currently hold the belief that they are in a cult. Hold the phone on calling me a environmental terrorist... I'm an Eagle Scout, avid hiker, hunter, and spend more time in the woods that most people do in their entire lifetime. Ive traveled throughout the world (yes Beijing) and seen the devastating impact that certain malpractices toward land, water and air have reaped, and even yet, I would consider my self a naturalist before an environmentalist.

Simply loving to be in nature isn't enough to categorize yourself as an environmentalist these days. You need to be a card-carrying member of the Sierra Club, PETA, Greenpeace or numerous other crazy groups that place animals, plants, lichens, amoebas, bark, and shark shit above human beings. Many of us on the pragmatic end tend to have priorities that revolve around entities who have opposable thumbs. However, we recognize certain validity among those on the green fringe.

Renewable energy, nuclear energy, biomass, and biofuels are all possible overlapping areas of common interest. However, crusaders have hijacked any notion of working together in a free-market based way. Now with the EPA threatening to take action if legislation isn't pushed to control emissions, well have an independent bureaucracy imposing strict and stringent regulation on the free sector. This creates a rogue tilt in checks and balances. Who really controls the EPA? The Supreme Court in 2007 ruled that the EPA is and can enforce environmental regulation. But it wont just stop there. Clean coal, restrictions and higher taxes on oil companies, permit decreases for lumber areas, and the failed policy of cap-and-trade will crush any growth and industry. Our leaders fail to recognize... government cant create jobs without a flourishing private sector. Last I checked, our economy is as limp as Tiny Tim (oh but they'll tell you were in a jobless recovery, those spinsters).

Right now, the co-sponsor of the doomed climate bill rolling through our Senate, John F'in Kerry has been touting that his bill has one thing, and one thing only on his mind... security. Saying well be safer by lessening our dependence on foreign oil is like saying gay men listen to Cher albums. No shit Kerry berry! But if its security that him and Babs are looking for why aren't we tapping into the North Slope, Brooks Range? Why aren't we developing more nuclear plants? In 1982, we had 301 oil refineries, with an estimated 230 million people living in the U.S. Today we have 149 refineries with over 300 million people. Why with more people are we allowing less drilling to take place? We've only reached a little bump after Pres Bush last year released some areas to drill, including parts of the Gulf of Mexico and the Bakken shale area in North Dakota.

My problem with environmentalists is that they never stop. Winston Churchill once said, "An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last." Those words ring true today. Rachael Carson took what was once a Nobel Prize winning creation and turned it into an environmental enemy, poor Paul Müller. That's right, DDT. It helped soldiers in World War 2 from malaria and typhus and now its deemed unfit, unless you go to other countries.

Why are other nations getting it though... I mean hell, even France is adding more nuclear plants and were dragging our knuckles, instead we get more wind farms? Booooo! Wind farms are for those losers who were proud of making towers made of macaroni and marshmallows in tech classes! I want steam and turbines! Our failed initiatives at clean coal with bloating budgets for carbon capture and sequestration has led our government apathetically saying they have a handle on it. Where is the accountability? The green revolution is in the hands of corporate insiders, and our government. Its estimated Goldman Sachs will be making tens of billions from cap and trade, which is why they threw the Dems $4.4 million for last years election. Friends, lets find ourselves seeking first our own truths, and realize that we don't have as much control over our lives as we think. The sooner we can come to grasp that, the sooner well be able to confront that there is nothing we can do, the climate will change, if that's whats even happening. Of course, cleaning up cancer causing pollutants like what Christie Whitman did as EPA Chair in the early years of Bush is something all conservatives can hop on board with, but show us the science, and show us how the free market can benefit, and IF, IF well be making a positive influence.

Wait A Hot Shit Minute: Copenhagen's Climate Sex Change Operation

Ever since Americans have been duped from the fanatical "green" zealots that global warming is now climate change, Ive seen an increasing number of people fall for the shifting of dialogue, literally right under their noses and without question. The basis is that our climate is out of control because "we the industrious" are releasing excessive amounts of greenhouse gas, thus making our atmosphere a lot less predictable, and causing an eventual apocolypse. The greater debate however is amongst people who believe all this is happening; on whether its man made, or as a result of a natural/cyclical pattern the earth evolves in. There's no doubt to which side I stand. I mean, hell if you expect me to be here and give a balanced view then chances are you're either new to my opinions or you've been secretly having a liberal séance group send warm and fuzzies my way. Hate to disappoint but as MoNique says, "Dat shit aint happuh-nin". So listen up folks, debating climate science is best left to scientists, not political opportunists who see us moving in a new, improved green economy. Trying to have government reorganize an economy is a bad idea, having government do anything is generally horrendous. The workers are lazier and less efficient, they are held to less accountability and they get away with murder... just ask Vince Foster...ooooh.

That being said, with the "climate change" topic so heated, why isn't there any debate? Al Gore has not once debated it even at the bequest of leading scientists Dennis Avery and Lord Monckton of Brenchley, a former advisor to British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, but yet he's out there advocating for it, and poses to make billion of dollars off it. Why has Dr. Arthur Robinson of Oregon Institute of Science and Medicine been able to gather 31,000 leading climatologists to reject man-caused climate change? Why is Mars getting hotter? Why are NASA's thermal readings of the sun indicating that its possibly in its warmest period in over 11,000 years? As Mark Levin writes, "... the Enviro-Statist abanadons reason for a faith that preaches human regression and self-loathing". Folks, long story short... its a power grab.

Since the freedom strangling efforts by Nixon in 1970, the EPA has done all it can influence society using aggressive yet efficacious actions to "clean America". What its done, using their proselytes, has mobilized a movement based on incredulous science and the elimination of debate. A great quote I like to throw against all you liberty haters out there is from Dr. Richard Lidzen. "With respect to science, the assumption behind consensus is that science is a source of authority. Rather, it is a particularly effective approach to inquiry and analysis. Skepticism is essential to science; consensus is foreign. When in 1988 Newsweek announced that all scientists agreed about global warming, this should have been a red flag of warning." Only of recent has there actually been a debate storming. With the half-assed passing of the Waxman/ Markey bill this past summer, many are looking to see it make its way through the Senate, even though the bill was never completed. The bill is officially DOA in the Senate. I could go into this for days, but recently with the University of East Anglia's emails being released (or hacked) to show the world that all the temperature records were lost or extrapulated, and then they took it upon themselves to fill in false temperature proxy, shows that people are starting to loose faith in those leaders sounding the trumpet for a green, clean, pristine mother Earth. Not too mention how Prof Michael Mann from my Alma Mater was given half a million in research grants to "prove the science was real" after gaining noteriety by the now-infamous hockey stick graph. If it were not for sharp eyes like that of Ross McKitrick and Steve McIntyre, this faulty science would not have its feet at the fire.

With Old Barry swinging by Dopenhagen, its rumored to believe he feels its his messianic duty to pledge $10 billion in our tax money to combat climate change in developing world economies. Let me say this...with China holding $800 billion of our assets, do you think were going to dole out this, and try to limit economic growth by imposing 17% reductions in emissions? Waxman/ Markey is dead. Barbara Boxer and John Kerry are humorously attempting a similar yet less ambitious bill, thats wrapped up in the syntax of "security" and "business friendly", but no ones convinced.

It's time to get real people. We did not pass the Kyoto Protocol, because our Senate voted 98-0 against it. It was a flawed treaty and with this recent scandal and growing government dissent in our country, I'm pretty sure, we the people are going to flick this world convention the finger just like 1998. My predictions are that Obama does not have the political capitol to pass this, but watch how the IPCC (Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change) reacts. America, tougher times are ahead, and I believe you might see some of these green-Nazis from other nations try and take action against us if this isn't ratified. Angela Merkels appearance not long ago indicated that the nations of the world want us... but we want science... and truth.