Friday, November 13, 2009
I often have those coupling dreams where you have sporadic characters that span across spectrum of influence, and in the midst of such an illusion, you realize not only the coincidence of it all, but why this group? Why these people? Despite Family Feud being a sometimes guilty pleasure of mine, I feel as if my teams contain some sort of allegorical meaning. Maybe not. Maybe I secretly just want to sit down and have a good old spout with some of these folks. I wholeheartedly know that this is a weird entry. So I've assembled three lists that encompass what is to be my living team, my dead team, and my imaginary team. These squads will be explained to enhance my sense of rational when it comes not only to Final Feud, but the traits and characteristics they bring to the table. I'll have fat people (yes, they re human too), I'll have the gorgeous, the ugly, the obnoxious, and the pale. So ladies and gentlemen, entertain me and read what is to become a mere fantasy regarding my conscious decision to bring forth so much talent and well... fame. Survey Says...
THE LIVING TEAM
Glenn Beck - How can you ignore a man who's tapped into the cultural lexicon being loved and loathed all at the same time. We'll hang out after for some TEA.
Denise Richards - I just want to see if her, you know... are.... real. I'M TALKING ABOUT HER ACTING TALENTS.
The Dali Lama - He would put everyone at peace, and psych out our opponent with divine karma
Sam Elliott - This dude exudes badass. You stare at him and you feel your soul go to leather and gravel. I think short of jumping on a grenade, theres no way to out-tough this man. I'd throw Eastwood on here, but... I don't think he's got the chops for a brawl these days.
Margaret Thatcher - This sexy baroness has always drawn me to the fascination of women in power. This lady exudes class and elegance.
THE DEAD TEAM
John Candy - I know I'm actor heavy ON THESE LISTS, but I've loved this guy since I was a kid. I'm watching Uncle Buck, haha classic.
George Washington - He'd speak so silently that It'd be difficult to hear, but the man exudes all that is American.
Pocahontas - I'd see if she was as hot as I think she was. Then Id ask her to give me the scoop on the lost colony of Roanoke. Afterwards we'd hunt down some beaver pelts... if shes hot.
Grace Kelly - So beautiful... would serve as back up eye-candy if Pocahontas looked like a fetus face. But Grace Kelly may just be the most beautiful woman ever and the brains to boot.
John the Baptist - You need that guy that's crazy enough to freak opponents out by eating weird shit. I mean seriously, who wouldn't be intimidated by a man with a squirrelley beard who pulls out a locust and goes to town.
THE FANTASY TEAM
The Predator - I'm going with this guy for a strong sense of intergalactic knowledge and charming complexion.
Gandalf the Grey - Ive never smoked weed, but if I did...
Captain Kirk - OK, I'm letting my nerd colors fly, but seriously, this is really just William Shatner playing himself in space. A narcissistic man who runs around chasing tail and creatures that look fake.
Red (from The Shawshank Redemption) - His vocal chords... its like, milk and cookies. I mean who wouldn't want to just listen to "get busy living or get busy dying" all day.
Hermione - Whatever, shes 19... Its cool.
TAKE THAT RICHARD KARN, OR LOUIE ANDERSON, OR WHOEVERS HOSTING THE SHOW THESE DAYS!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
This has become quite the argument the last few years, more so because those in Hollywood and the bourgeois at Hallmark have convicted us that Santa's fatass starts to jiggle right after Halloween. Even I admit the holiday tunes sometime in mid-November fill the silence of my Jeep. Someone I respect recently accused me of foregoing Thanksgiving and jumping the gun, so I said I'm taking this to my bully pulpit blog. We agreed that Thanksgiving was point of fact our favorite holiday. Its hard to beat a holiday where your house is turned into a high end cafeteria style banquet. I even know someone who literally dances before such a feast. However, even as you're slopping down the mashed potatoes one cannot ignore the all-encompassing holiday spirit, whether it be movies, carols, or the wreath on your local fire department. My argument is this, that the Christmas spirit can exist around Thanksgiving without threatening the holiday Pilgrims made hip. Thanksgiving has like 1 song to its resume (and its by Adam Sandler), 3 movies ( one is Charlie Brown, so it hardly counts), and the decorations are fashionable for a whole 5 days.
I can't help but feel that it does get annoying for some people to see Christmas stuff early. But no one I've encountered has bitched of an early Kwanzaa or Hanukkah. I think theres room to celebrate the holidays as the spirit of something that encompasses our goodwill toward mankind. Christ's birth represents one of the greatest moments in history; it embodies the truest love, one of life. God gave his son to mankind for our ultimate salvation. Within that spirit lies the heart of thanksgiving to our creator, and thus both holidays are one and the same. Mutually exclusive, hell no... Christmas and Thanksgiving are the greatest pairing ever (behind Turner and Hooch of course) which serve as the bookends of human love summed up in a season of joy and cheer. Because lets face it, Noel ends at noon that day, after the 8th showing of "A Christmas Story". Merry Christmas and Happy Thanksgiving. Break out the Nog!
I guess its always personal when it comes to this and Memorial Day. Being as yesterday was Veterans day, I have to wonder how many out there had thanked someone who served. Its kind of weird going up to a total stranger and expressing an appreciation. I liken it to attempting a conversation with your boss at a urinal. You know he warrants respect, but the awkwardness alone makes it difficult from just getting on with business. Ladies, sorry... my best analogies revolve around bodily functions. You catch my drift though, in a sense that we wish it were easier. I know, for myself I feel like a chump being labeled a veteran when in the midst of World War 2, Vietnam and Korean War veterans, who had boots 3 sizes too small and ate food that would cause scurvy. These were heroes who were more men than most, and yet I still feel immeasurable pride having served in combat too, but realize I was also able to watch season 4 of "Alias" after a mission. However, the older veterans draw us in and treat we from Iraq and Afghanistan like brothers and fellow heroes. Its an odd brotherhood that I still ponder years after coming home. It hits me though sometimes that despite not being connected by the same war, were connected by the same spirit. We all answered the call. We defended the Constitution of the United States and the people of our nation.
This might sound like I'm elevating myself. I'm not, I'm elevating my friends, my brothers and sisters. My tour was a personal journey I'll never forget, but my memories would be nothing without the guys who got me through it. So to my friends, most of whom just got back from a second tour, I say from the bottom of my heart, the bottom of my being; you are all better men than me, and I as well the nation owe you a huge debt. God bless you.
To the rest of you... imagine wearing a uniform, with the weight of heavy armor and equipment, and the elements of extreme heat and cold. Now place yourself in the middle of a fire fight, or the blast of an IED, or feeling the shrapnel scrape across your Kevlar helmet. Place yourself in a moment of fear as you close your eyes. Then imagine that, for a period of months, without those closest to you, your wife, parents, children, or friends. Look, feel, think. I pray that you would come to some heartfelt peace that theres people out there doing things on behalf of your freedom, on behalf of you and the life your choosing to live. It makes going up to a veteran seem like such an insignificant thing despite the awkwardness. We owe it to them.
A LITTLE HISTORY
Armistice Day, which is now Veteran's Day is held on November 11th every year at 11am to signify the end of World War 1. 11am on the 11th day of the 11th month.
Monday, November 9, 2009
My agitations with this growing movement stem from something more than just a simple skepticism, its birthed out of what I call... laziness. Today's evangelicals have attached themselves to the social justice movement because it enables them to feel a part of the growing swarm of people out there who feel philanthropy is cool for the sake of a shallow belief system. Im not a heartless monster, I do believe in helping people.... if it works. I'm a Christian and believe that Christ is the only way to bring about true change. Period. However, many Christians desire that savvy cool, or want to co-manage with those (i.e. George Clooney) with no desire for a conversion of the heart. Many Christians want to be accepted in the green movement, the One campaign, Saving Dar fur and that Red blitz and all those really hip and polished charities. Hey! We are world! But at the core, its nothing more than a desire for Christians to be lazy by not having to stand up for the defining issues of our faith. It agitates me to find fellow evangelicals get up in arms about the evils of corruption and how the Israelis treat the Palestinians, but never raise an eye brow that we have damn near 50 million deaths attributed to abortion. Seriously! Then you have the people who would impose government charity, but would never step foot into a soup kitchen or ring the bell for Salvation Army. Maybe its my anger at Christian hypocrisy that causes me to go on tirades, but what are we defining as charity these days? There's a book that Ive dabbled in called "When Helping Hurts", and it discusses the the proposition that even when you think your helping, your only helping the symptoms, you not curing the disease. Our society, our government, our world is trying to solve symptoms instead of going after root causes. Were not allowing people to fail, and its killing us. This social justice movement is an umbrella term for providing aid, for redistributing wealth, for trying to play God, for allowing ourselves to be in touch with nefarious acts, by citing moral superiority. To this I ask, on what level should we be interventionists, and on what side isolationists? For those disenfranchised by Iraq and Afghanistan, why do you beg and plead to send troops to the Sudan, or back to Haiti, or across the globe to engage in a military excursion devoid of our national interest?
But back to social justice. Can and how do we monitor justice regarding social entitlements? How do you quantify it? Can you honestly look at someone and say, "wow.... that demands justice!"? I don't think we can, but Christians, you need to wake up on this... allow yourself to use your sense of individualism, and your love for Christ to be a blessing, not within the realm of being hip or aligning with world leaders, but because God requires us to love our neighbor. When the government or an organization tries to monopolize goodwill, it makes it a brand and thus all sense of true community and true love is absent in the act of charity. Social justice has merits in the movement and that's the hearts of the individual for there fellow man. The best philanthropist is the one who picks his friend up and takes him out to eat or gives his brother or sister in Christ money to make it through the holidays, or works at a soup kitchen and makes friends there, who invests themselves in others who are down on their luck.
Christ never got government involved in his act, he knew better. Government corrupts all it touches. Jesus knew that if true change, true social justice, it would involve a person's capacity to just love his or her friends. If we are to be true Christians, can we look at ourselves if we let bureaucracies centralize power in the guise of benevolence? If we look at our duties to God, to love, to life, can we simply swallow our core principles in order to further ancillary goals? I ask that you'd stop being lazy. Stop allowing an erosion to take place. Preserve the sense that Christ stood up against tyrants, against politicians, against platitudes, and hollow statements. I fear this new social movement, is one of redirecting the core Christian moral compass. I fear it dilutes our passions and concerns. It seeks to make us an appeasing, lukewarm, and droll body that has little backbone. I also fear its a way to push a Unitarian government that plays on morality and uses those who seek a kingdom not of this Earth, and impose a tyranny through the forfeiting of liberties for a justice that one could see might hold divinity. Do not be fooled by words my friends... beware the prophets who seek a profit.