In one month we will be honoring the memory of the world's greatest nose. That of Fabio. For those whose memory is filled with bong resin, cobwebs, and hours of Japanimation porn I'll reignite the torch of knowledge and bring light to your oh so dark world. I will paint the picture of that dark March day...
Williamsburg, VA - March 30, 1999, the man who inspired "Zoolander", THE Male Supermodel Fabio suffered a one-inch cut on his nose after a bird hit him while riding the Apollo roller coaster at Busch Gardens. It wasn't just an ordinary bird that proclaimed kamikazee status, it was the feared Canada Goose. According to a star-struck witness the winged-terror hit Fabio during the plummet down the roller coaster's first drop of 210 feet at speeds of up to 73 mph. Fabio was taken from the park to the Williamsburg Community Hospital where he was treated and released for a minor cut. Following the incident Busch Gardens Williamsburg spokeswoman Deborah L. DeMarco commented, "He's fine, no serious injuries."But we knew better. We all knew, this would divide the world... into those who use butter, and those who use margarine . Fabio wisely declined to talk after the incident and instead opted to return to Los Angeles to bathe in chocolate and swim with seals. As for the nefarious goose... he did not fair so well. According to one park guest a dead goose could be seen floating in the river below the drop where Fabio was supposedly hit. Rot in hell goose... rot in hell!
That day, it wasn't butter that knocked our poor hero off his pedestal, it was a damned migratory fowl. R.I.P Fabio's real nose... R.I.P.
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